So me and this girl (both in our mid twenties) were physically intimate and I fell for her…but I finally expressed myself to her and she said she is not emotionally available right now. A little context. She would invite me over all the time…bought me a toothbrush. Her body language and signals were very POSITIVE. But she had also been dumped by her fiance like 8 months before.
She got pregnant during this time, but didn’t know it. I suspect her hormones caused her to pull away. And I started to treat her more as a friend to give her space b/c I sensed she pulled away. Finally she found out about the pregnancy…We got through the abortion, I was very supportive but it was tough on both of us. We have had the relationship talk, several times (I have been bringing it up) but she says this is a timing issue. I have pushed a few times to date, but she just wants to be friends. I am surely in the friends zone right now. She knows my feelings, but still hangs out with me, calls me, and lets me spend the night in her bed every once in a while. At the same time she says I don’t foresee a romantic future between us anytime soon. The more I pushed for a relationship, the more she pulled away. I get all that.
I am being drained and used. I get it. I am putting her life in front of mine. I get it. I am open and up front about my emotions towards here while she is repressing her feelings. I get it. But I made the choice to try and stick with her to see if she would come around. I still do boyfriend things to her (give her flowers, cards, gifts). We talk/text every day and see each other several times per week.
I have been trying to convert my feelings to friendship so I wouldn’t lose her. And having a solid opposite sex friend is so valuable. But I just can’t do it because I actually love this girl…. and some days its so painful.
Usually I play games with girls, so I never find myself in this situation. I am a good looking guy and have no problem meeting girls…But in this instance, I played small games for a little while (not returning calls and txts right away), but I liked her so much that I gave into my emotions and never really turned down a date when she asked me to do something. So for the first time, I didn’t play games as long as I should have… and look where it got me. How do I regain control here??
Originally posted 2008-12-20 11:05:02.
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You see that you’re being used and that she is being unfair (and in my opinion, incredibly selfish). Although, I can’t blame her completely because she did warn you that you’d only be friends and it was your decision to stick with her, like you said.
You’re suffering and it’s all because you let it continue (I know you know this.) I don’t think it is likely you’ll last to finally see her ‘come around’ — IF she does.
If you were my guy… I would want you to let go. I wouldn’t want to see you suffer, and I don’t think she would want you to either if she knew. (Maybe she’s going through some things now that blinds her to it)
In her case, I think she takes you for granted, especially in her vulnerable state of having just broken up and had an abortion. Maybe if you pulled away a little (and I would reccomend telling her that you are doing so and why), she would finally come around?
I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, and I appreciate your opinion for my question.
Best of luck.