I need some help with this girl, we used to date before but she cheated on me, an broke up with me. Now she is back after a few months, an saying that her son is mine. I don’t believe he is mine because we look nothing like each other. He looks like her other son. I don’t know what to do she is crazy. I give her money every week by the baby stuff when she calls me crying an in a fit about how she doesn’t have money for baby food. I want a paternity test done but she wont let me, she wants me back, I don’t want her she says if I don’t come back to her she will give the baby up for adoption. She is messing up my relationship with my girlfriend whom I love every much. My new girlfriend is understanding to some degree but not when the other one swears at her . My girlfriend said if she gives the baby up that we should try an find him an adopt him. I don’t know what to do, should I get a lawyer?
Originally posted 2009-04-04 23:07:58.
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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
ok get a lawyer
get a court order in place to get a dna test done…do not give her another penny if you have thi smuch doubt..you can if you want to.
if he is yours and she gives him up by law social service will have to have your consent for adoption to take place,,,,get a lawyer to get this sorted out once and for all for the sake of the child
If I were you, I would get a genetic test done to see if that really is your kid. She does sound very crazy! It looks like to me that she’s only using you for money (If the baby is not yours). Odds are, if she won’t let you get a genetic test done then the baby is not yours. In your case, yes I would get a lawyer.
Wow, what an entangled mess!
The first thing you need to do is establish paternity. You must find out whether this child is yours or not. You are saying that you don’t think so, but you are giving her money every week. This may sound harsh, but I would refuse to give her any more money until a paternity test is done. Are you listed on the birth certificate? In most (if not all) states, if the parents aren’t married, the father must give consent to be on the birth certificate.
Now, if this child is yours, you do sound willing to support the child. You really should have some sort of legal agreement for child support. So yes, I would definitely consult a lawyer.
As far as adoption (and I would seriously worry about someone using a child and a threat of adoption as emotional blackmail) if you are the father of the child, she cannot place the child for adoption without your consent. The father has the option of having sole custody of the child. Now there are ways around this, so again, I would talk to a lawyer.
Best of luck to you.
You need to get a family lawyer. Right away. Tell them the situation, and get it down in legal writing that you are the child’s father. She cannot give up the child without your consent. You will not have to adopt him to care for him. This is your child. Of course, you’ll probably need to take a dna test, but if he does end up being yours… you can raise him. She cannot give him up. She would be in big time trouble if she did, as it is falsifying legal documents.
Some states have a registry for father’s to sign to prove that they know they are the father of an unborn child. Try to find out if your state has this. You can get a restraining order if she continues to cause problems in your life. The child is most important and deserves to be parented by YOU, not strangers.
Good for you for stepping up and taking the initiative to parent this child. I wish you the best.
Dear Chris,
UGH! I can’t stand it when people use children as weapons.
First off, if you are the father and ESPECIALLY if you have been involved, she CANNOT place the child for adoption without your consent. You do not need to adopt a child that is biologically yours.
Here is what you need to do:
Offer to pay for a paternity test. There are even some available OTC that you can do yourself and send off for the results.
KEEP RECORDS
Get copies of the birth certificate and any other papers pertaining to your paternity in order and keep them safe.
Keep copies of EVERYTHING you do for this baby. Records of visits, receipts for purchases and gifts, phone records, etc.
DO NOT stop supporting the child. If you give money to the mother make sure you have a receipt of some kind. Write a check, give a money order or set up payments through your local CS agency.
Offer to take custody the child IN WRITING and keep a copy. If possible, file an affidavit of paternity along with a copy of this with your local Court.
Get in touch with a reputable Father’s Rights group like F4J – they can help.
Don’t worry too much about signing a putative father’s registry – you’ve already demonstrated that you claim this child – but it isn’t a bad idea to cover all your bases.
Know the laws in your state – you can find them online. You are your own best advocate.
If you are having trouble representing yourself pro se then hire an attorney who SPECIALIZES in father’s rights or family law for the next best representation.
Do not let yourself be bullied. It is not good for you or your child.
Good luck to you and your child.
Get a DNA test done first so you know whether he is your son … just because he doesn’t look like you doesn’t mean he isn’t as my son doesn’t look like his father either. However if you’re right that he isn’t your son then she has no hold on you. If he is your son then you do have rights in which case make sure you get legal advice.
I wish you well and hope you have a positive outcome, good luck!
Get a laywer and Bring it to Court, That way, She HAS to give you a DNA Test, Im betting its probably not urs. if its not, get a restraining order in place! shes Crazy, good thing u broke up! ur new gf sounds really nice, get one for both of u guys! Goodluk!
If she wants child support then tell her that you want a paternity test – if the child is not yours then you are not responsible to raise this child and she will need to attempt to find the father if she wants to put the child up for adoption.
If the baby is your son, she can’t give him up for adoption without you relinquishing your rights to him also.
I’d get a lawyer and try to take custody of your son.
ha your in a mess you win she cant give him up for adoption if hes also your son. He is yours and hers she cant do that without your permission.
keep receipts of what you buy for the child, then find a lawyer to get a DNA test before exploring the choices in keeping or adopting the child.
Well first of all, her not letting you do a DNA test is crud. She has no choice, especially if you take the issue to court. The judge will demand a DNA test (FYI the reason she won’t let you is because she knows its not yours and she wants to continue using you for money)
If by some small chance the child is yours, you would have to sign over your parental rights in order for her to legally give up the baby for adoption.
Yes, I would speak to a lawyer about this. She’s playing you and trying to purposely ruin your relationship.
Yes get an attorney and go to court. If you have been paying child support they can compel her to consent for a paternity test. If the baby is yours she can not give it up for adoption without your consent. If it is not yours she’ll have to pay you back all the child support $ you gave her. good luck.
Get your self a lawyer and make her have a test. If the baby is yours then go for full custody of your son. Yes she is crazy and the baby would be far better of with you if it is yours. If she text you or email you keep them for future court battles. Any evidence can help your case. Don’t let her disrespect your girl friend stand up to her and tell her to watch her mouth. She has no right and it lets your gf know that you love her.
Good luck.
Yeah, get a lawyer.
They can file papers that will MAKE her have a DNA test.
DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MORE MONEY!!!
In some places, giving her money is accepting responsibility for the child REGARDLESS of DNA results. Bad news!!
She could catch you for a kid that isn’t yours if you provide support.
DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE OF HER CALLS.
If you don’t stop contact immediately, she can say that’s Interest in the child, and a judge can lock you into support despite DNA tests.
DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING!!
1 signature can make you responsible for this child until it’s 18 no matter what the DNA test says.
DO NOT SAY ANYTHING LIKE I’LL HELP YOU… or IT’LL BE OK… ETC.
This is a verbal contract and it’s BINDING in the eyes of the law. She can get you to support the baby for 18 years if you tell her you will. EVEN if it’s just to get her off the phone.
THIS HAPPENED TO MY BROTHER!
My brother had to fight for a year because he thought he got a girl pregnant, supported her until the baby was born and the test could be done. Her lawyer said that his interest (paying the girl’s bills) constituted care and that made my brother responsible for the child. After a year, a judge threw it out ONLY because he stopped having contact, paying, and talking to her the instant the baby was born and proven not his.
Good luck.
Ok…first…you need a paternity test.
Second…accept that she has the right to put the child up for adoption, unless you are willing to take him.
And third, do not get back with this woman.
She is a manipulator—and isn’t even embarrassed by her actions.
1) she can NOT make an adoption plan without your consent.
2) you need to contact the legal aid office in your county, GET A DNA TEST, and seek custody.
3) don’t give money…yet buy what the baby needs (pampers, formula, clothing, et al) and DOCUMENT…DOCUMENT…
4) your ex is a manipulative woman.
5) make better choices with your intimate partners, in the future.
good luck.
Are you on the birth certificate? Who did she list as the father? If she is telling you that you are, and didnt list you, you have more of a fight. I would definatly call human services, or child lawyer and get some advice on how to go about this. I applaud you for giving her money, but only if she is really using it for the baby. If she isnt, dont give her a dime. Get a paternity test done ASAP. She cannot stop you from doing a dna test. AT ALL. If she refuses, or says you are not the father, to child services, there ya go, cut your losses so to speak. If the baby is yours, she cannot put the child up for adoption without your consent. You just need to get the dna testing done first, then go from there.
Legal aid and the child support offices might help you.
See if your state has a putative father registry. There are laws in many states where a father must put into writing that a child is his, by going to the clerk’s office and signing the paperwork. Since you’ve been providing financial responsibility, it will help. In some states, you can lose all your rights if you don’t sign the registry in a very short period of time after the baby’s birth, so time is of the essence.
The next time you hold the baby, and if it takes going to her house, and helping her for a little bit, when she goes to the bathroom, take a clean Q-tip and swab his mouth. It might cost a little money, but you can have a paternity test done through DNA like this.
If this child is yours, fight for custody, you don’t have to adopt it. Check your laws, because it might not be legal for you and your girlfriend to live together to adopt. Child protective services might help you establish paternity. If the mother is using you, it’s wrong, but understand that hormones, and a new baby, topped with financial trouble can wreak havoc on a new mom. Tell her that you are going to fight for custody, and are placing the money to support the child into an account for him, for the state to know that you’re trying to provide financially for him, and that she won’t be able to get the money, until you get the paternity test.
Also, know that kids can favor either parent a lot. I know full brothers and sisters where the boy is redheaded, short, and chunky, and the sister is dark headed, tall, and slender. I also know that my adopted son has different parents on each side of his family, however, he looks like his siblings on his dad’s and mom’s side, even with them having different moms and dads.
You don’t want this woman to place the baby for adoption before you begin something. With the putative father registry, she might be able to place the baby, but if you show you’re trying to be a father before he’s placed, you’ve got a good chance at being a father for him. I hope your paternity tests come out the way you want them to.
Go to court and get a DNA test done, you don’t need her permission! Then try and get custody if it’s your child. At least you can get 50 percent custody. She can’t give the child up for adoption if it’s your child without your consent!
You should get a lawyer and demand a paternity test. Or you can call your state Child protective services and make a case against her. You should have a legal agreement with the child support not just giving it to her. Call Social Services and get them involved.