Hello world. That is the question. My ex girlfriend and I are
about to get together again. She got involved with this new
guy, but it turned out to be a disaster….. He was an abusive
person, and she went back to the darkside. She even started
smoking cigarettes again, too. But she called me up the other
night, and told me everything……….. And that she also wants
to be friends with me again. I let her know that it would be
better if she concentrated on herself first before getting back
with me, and into a deep relationship. Is this the right approach ? I mean, she just seem to fall apart when she
met this guy. It was obvious that it was not a healthy thing
to be in. Now she realizes who she loves more. So, I want to
know if it is OK, for us to be friends first ?
Originally posted 2008-09-29 07:18:41.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
the best predictor of the future – is the past. Realize you’re inviting her dysfunction and drama back into your life – is that what you’re ready to settle for?
Yes, it is definitely ok to be Friends first. Take it slow. Don’t jump into a relationship just because you were both once gf and bf. Any relationship, in order to withstand the test of times, should be built on a strong foundation of friendship. Good luck.
;p
Dont give it to her.. tell her to grow up and quit acting like a child. , then maybe you’ll think about it.
It’s very good that you told her that she first has to concentrate on her life and what she’s going through. It’s safe to be friends first, but I also think it’s a good idea to be friends with her for quite a while first before even thinking about a relationship with her. Don’t fall into the trap of being a comfort boyfriend just because she’s had a hard time. You deserve a real relationship too.
I think you were totally right with your approach.
She seems to believe that she needs a person by her side all the time, and this co-dependency isn’t a healthy thing.
You sound like a nice guy. maybe you feel the need to rescue her? your approach is 100% right. you sounded very wise and concerned. I think you can be a friend in need for some time till she gets on her feet. but getting back together is something that no one can predict the future for. one important question is: did she bounce to this guy after your draining breakup? and do you think it has something to do with the way she ended up? (i.e. that she’s not over you). in this case, I think this is her way of telling you that she wants to be with you.
if you love her, and care for her, then wait for her to sort things out. be supportive, but don’t let her depend on you. be a friend and see where it takes you.
good luck,